You’ve Unlocked Our Favorite Dad Jokes!

"I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now."

"A guy walks into a bar... and he was disqualified from the limbo contest."

"You think swimming with sharks is expensive? Swimming with sharks cost me an arm and a leg."

"When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?"

"I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know..."

"Do you wanna box for your leftovers?" "No, but I'll wrestle you for them."

"That car looks nice but the muffler seems exhausted."

"Shout out to my fingers. I can count on all of them."

"What did the vet say to the cat?" "How are you feline?"

"What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?" "A pouch potato!"

"What happens when M&M’s can’t agree on anything?" "They reach an M-passe."

"What do you call a fake noodle?" "An impasta."

"What do you call a belt made of watches?" "A waist of time."

"What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street?" "Traffic jam."

"What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?" "Prime mates."

"What do you call a pony with a sore throat?" "A little hoarse."

"Where do math teachers go on vacation?" "Times Square."

"Whenever I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers."

"What does garlic do when it gets hot?" "It takes its cloves off."

"What's a robot's favorite snack?" "Computer chips."

"How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh?" "Nothing, it's on the house."

"Mountains aren't just funny. They're hill areas."